The Schlafly Beer Employee Blog

June 14, 2011

Tales From The Interwebs: "Yours truly..........The Head"

As Communications Director, most external and internal comments, questions and conversations about Schlafly Beer flow through me. As manager of our website, Facebook Pages and the Twitter account, I’m corresponding with our consumers as well as our employees pretty much all day, every day. Sometimes things get weird. is our generic email address which as luck would have it, (Spoiler Alert) flows straight into my InBox.  This is the email address for folks who don’t know who they want to talk to, so it gets everything from legit questions about where to find Schlafly beer to requests from beer label collectors in Eastern Europe (can anyone tell me why everyone in Eastern Europe collects beer labels?). 

deutschland2Miroslave Ilko of Slovakia can now proudly add 32 different Schlafly Beer labels to his collection.

Luckily for me, also recieves a lot of emails from wealthy Nigerian dignitaries who need help accessing their overseas fortunes due to the harsh political climate there, so it looks like I’ll be tweeting about cask nights and explaining to people why American IPA isn’t year round (yet) from the grotto on my own tropical paradise soon. #solongsuckers!

I recently received the following gem late one evening and immediately felt a special connection with our sender. What began as just another email asking about what the deal is with our 20th Anniversary bottle caps, quickly became so, so much more. This email had it all. It was the perfect storm of random, weird, complimentary, meandering, geeky, terrifying and funny. I present it to you now in its entirety.


Just a question as to what the street name/zip codes mean on the 20th anniversary bottle caps? Are these just places that sell your product, (“which I am having right now”), or is this some kind of treasure hunt? And if it’s a treasure hunt and I’m the first to realize this unique find…what do I win?  

I know…the jokes on me, but seriously, “What did I win?

 Love your product!!!

If you don’t know what to give me, I would suggest a “12” tall 1968 Godzilla action figure” while holding one of your frosty cold, finely crafted beverages… of your choice, presented only to me on a very nice day in June, which is nowhere near my birthday, but it sounds great to me. If not, maybe I can suggest that you start posting correspondence like this, on your website…or somewhere else that you may find appropriate so other people can share their thoughts and wishes as I am now.

Tis’s truly amazing what beer can help you write about at such a late hour…And as I close this note to you… Along with winning the treasure hunt that I discovered that you were secretly hiding from me, and getting my Godzilla action figure and a cold beer of your choice, may I ask for some food too? This may be left to your choice also as to what I receive off the menu, and how much you wish to give me, for all the food is delicious, and even tastes better when won on a treasure hunt that I have discovered…”I think”!

Thank you for understanding this note and I will be waiting patiently for my prize.
Yours truly……….The Head


The way I look at my job is that if someone is going to take the time to sit down and write me a lengthy email, whether it’s about our restaurants, our beer, our events, or all of the above, I’m going to take the time to write them back and make sure they know that we care as much as they do.  In the case of the above email, I had my work cut out for me.  Let me preface the following response by saying that the very first thing I did before responding was to Google “12” 1968 Godzilla action figure”.


Dear Mr. The Head,

I very much appreciated your note last night as I was also enjoying some of our delicious product. I also believe I understood it. Thanks for all the kind words about our beer and food. A lot of people here at Schlafly work very hard to create the food, beer and fun and it’s always really nice to hear from folks when they appreciate it. So please accept a sincere thank you from all of us here at the brewery.

Let me try to go through some of your questions, requests and suggestions now.  To begin with, the street names and zip codes are indeed, simply places that sell Schlafly Beer.  Going into this year, we wanted to create bottle caps that celebrated our 20th anniversary…but then the cap company threw us a curveball by letting us know that we could, if we chose to, have up to 480 some-odd different things printed on the underside of the caps.  Legally, a contest was sort of off the table, and while we did back and forth quite a bit, it turned out we just weren’t clever enough to come up with something to print under the caps that was truly awesome. So we decided to take the opportunity to sort of give a “Shout Out” to our partners out there helping to sell our delicious juice. That said, we did randomly sneak some caps into the mix that sport pictures of Tom Schlafly’s face without telling him (he knows now), so we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.  In the end, it is what it is and the only downside is that I’m the guy who keeps having to explain to people what the caps mean because no one is quite certain…and they assume there is a contest.  Which, as we have now established, there is not.

So, there is no contest, but if you are willing to swing by one of the breweries in June on a nice day (or send me your address), I’m willing to attempt to create a man-in-suit Godzilla toy holding a frosty beer. I can tell you having looked online, I have only seen an 8” tall version of the 1968 Godzilla, not a 12”, so you just may have to make do. There was a 12” MechaGodzilla, but he’s a jerk. Also…our beers would be too large for his tiny scaled (scaly?) down hands. I would have to make him a tiny fake beer, so again, you just may have to make do. It would still probably be pretty cool.  

In the meantime, allow me to present you with this exclusive, one of a kind piece of art, made just for you, to do with as you please. It’s attached.

thirstyzilla-7gb-300As far as posting this correspondence on our website or somewhere else appropriate, I’m not certain that I can post this, regardless of whether or not it would be appropriate. That said, it most likely is not appropriate, but again…I’m willing to look into it. That’s how we roll here at Schlafly. We can’t make everyone happy all the time, but it’s not for a lack of trying.

As far as free food and beer goes…C’mon man! I’ve already made you an awesome one-of-a-kind Godzilla Drinking a Schlafly While Enjoying a Delicious Train picture and promised to maybe, possibly, if I have time, try to make you a custom Godzilla/Schlafly Action Figure! You’re killing me here, The Head!  If I can be honest, I’m starting to feel a little taken advantage. Who do you think I am? Did you think that we just created the email address as a platform for wish granting? Huh?! Because we didn’t. That’s just plain crazy thinking. Everyone knows only Zoltar Fortune Teller Machines grant wishes. Geez.

To sum up…The underside of our bottle caps show places that sell Schlafly Beer and Tom Schlafly’s head. I will try to make you a custom action figure. I will see about posting your email somewhere. No, you can not have any free food or beer. Find a Zoltar machine if you want to get Big.

Yours truly,



Sadly and a bit surprisingly, I never heard back from The Head. Sometimes I still think of him and wonder what may have happened to him. Why did the weather need to be “very nice”?  Did he ever get some food? And… why is he called The Head?  These are the kind of questions that  keep a brewery communications director awake at night.