Jan. 2024

Ever since the opening of The Schlafly Tap Room in 1991 one of the common tropes has been that of David vs. Goliath in telling the story of an upstart microbrewery that opened in the shadow of the world’s largest megabrewery. Thirty-two years later the figurative David now has a literal David at the helm. I’m of course referring to my cousin David Schlafly, who recently assumed the role of CEO.

I’m sure all alert readers (ARs) are familiar with the biblical story of David and Goliath in The Book of Samuel. For 40 days the Israelites under the command of King Saul faced off against the Philistines and the infamous giant Goliath. Twice a day Goliath, who was protected by armor and wielded a javelin, taunted the Israelites, daring any one of them to meet him in one on one armed combat.

While Saul was afraid to take on Goliath, David volunteered. Declining Saul’s offer to lend him some armor, David, who was armed only with a sling, promptly dispatched Goliath with rock to the forehead. He then cut off Goliath’s head and took it back to Jerusalem as a trophy.

Following the death of King Saul David succeeded him as king of the Israelites and accumulated multiple wives and concubines. Of his eight wives whose names are mentioned in the Bible, two of the best known were Michal and Bathsheba. Michal was the daughter of King Saul, who told David he could have her hand in marriage in exchange for 100 Philistine foreskins. David and his men went out and killed 200 Philistines, giving the father of the bride twice as many foreskins as had been demanded.

Several wives later David was hanging around his palace while his troops were off fighting a war. From a rooftop he spotted the beautiful Bathsheba while she was taking a bath. Exercising his royal prerogative, David began an adulterous relationship with her. (Her husband Uriah, a loyal soldier in David’s army, was away with the rest of the troops.)

In order to cover for the ensuing pregnancy David summoned Uriah back from the front. When Uriah refused to come back David arranged to have him killed in battle. He then married the recently widowed Bathsheba, who soon thereafter gave birth to a son who died in infancy.

Bathsheba followed up by giving birth to another son by David, whom she named Solomon. When David was in his dotage she contrived to have Solomon become king over several other rival offspring.

As most ARs probably know, King Solomon famously asked God not for a long life or for riches for himself; and not for the death of his enemies, but rather for the wisdom to listen and to make right decisions. God heard his prayer and made Solomon the wisest and most intelligent person who has ever lived or will live.

Solomon, it’s worth noting, far surpassed his father when it came to polygamy, accumulating 700 wives and 300 concubines. I leave it to ARs to decide for themselves whether these Solomonic marital decisions show wisdom, good judgment and maturity.

In the course of his 35-year reign King David fought countless battles and extended the boundaries of his kingdom across much of the Middle East from Syria to Egypt. According to the Book of Kings he died in bed with a beautiful teenager named Abishag, who had been summoned to help him ward off hypothermia, not to satisfy his carnal appetites.

King Solomon expanded and consolidated David’s empire in multiple ways. He established trade routes and authorized ambitious building projects, the most famous of which was the construction of The First Temple on Temple Mount in Jerusalem, where the Ark of the Covenant was housed.

My cousin David by contrast has expanded the Schlafly footprint through much more peaceful methods than those employed by Kings David and Solomon. As some ARs will recall, he was responsible for our opening Schlafly Highland Square a little more than two years ago. We did so at the invitation of and in close cooperation with local civic and business leaders.

More recently, he has arranged for the sale of Schlafly Beer in Sweden. Yes, Sweden. I am not making this up. Thanks to David’s efforts, thousands of cases of Schlafly APA (American Pale Ale) are now en route to Sweden, where they will be on the shelves of Systembolaget, government-owned liquor stores.

Not only is David Schlafly a lot less bellicose than King David or King Salomon; he also has a much better record of marital stability. In over four decades he has had only one wife, which is at least seven fewer than King David and 699 fewer than Solomon.

Tom Schlafly
Chairman
Schlafly | The Saint Louis Brewery